Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
