Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
