i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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