Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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