Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
