4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
