You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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