I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
