State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
