I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
