I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
