I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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