Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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