Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
