we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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