I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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