i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
