1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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