i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
