I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
