He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
