i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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