just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
