All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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