walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
BRING THE BAGELS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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