My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
