How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize