you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
