This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
