i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
