Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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