cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
