I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
