So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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