I heard we made out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
