I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
