okay pat passed out under dana's car
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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