I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
