Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
