Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
