Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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