Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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