I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
