don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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