well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize