some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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