called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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