I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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