I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
