i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
