sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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