dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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