I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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