He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
