i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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