if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
