You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
