Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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