Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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