Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
