We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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