I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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