one might say we're banned from that church
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
