so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
