Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
