Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
