mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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