I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
the raccoons are back...
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