Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
