So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
