He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
